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View Full Version : You might be a survivalist if . . .



monkeybird
10-15-2010, 06:18 PM
This is from firemaned on another site!

You might be a survivalist if...

- You can

610Alpha
10-15-2010, 11:00 PM
Hilarious!!

bountyhunter69
10-16-2010, 10:23 AM
good job mb,right on target

EX121
10-16-2010, 01:51 PM
My wife wants to know who has been spying on our house. Thanks for the laugh.

Matt In Oklahoma
10-17-2010, 02:37 PM
LOL OMG I'm in tears!

Klayton
10-18-2010, 10:07 PM
I LOVE IT!!!

Hey do any of you guys use those old oil lamps?
If so, what are the pros and cons?

Thanks!

Matt In Oklahoma
10-19-2010, 05:36 PM
I have 2 we use when the power goes down. No real cons other than open flame being in the house. Pros - they still work and you can even buy colored oil so they are decorative which pleases the wife.

rockriver
10-19-2010, 07:57 PM
this is great...
i love it.
i've heard some of you guys were that way...

i'm waiting till something happens, then the bride and i are going to walmart!
our local store has plenty of stuff.
i guess i could use this post to make up a list ...
half for me and half for the wife!
she could go to walmart
i could go to kmart!
lol
rr

Matt In Oklahoma
10-19-2010, 08:08 PM
LOL There are different kinds of survival and making the woman happy is one of them :) Also urbanflage that the neighbors don't notice is good too. So yep I'm whooped so what of it LOL

Klayton
10-19-2010, 08:27 PM
I have 2 we use when the power goes down. No real cons other than open flame being in the house. Pros - they still work and you can even buy colored oil so they are decorative which pleases the wife.

Matt, where do you buy your oil lamps? Curious, can these run off of liquified animal lard also? (not sure if I remember how to keep it liquid after melting it, was it add salt, hmm my memory is really sucking nowadays...)

Matt In Oklahoma
10-19-2010, 08:42 PM
I inherited one and I think we got the other one at Atwoods or a store similar to it like Tractor Supply. I have no idea about the animal fat, honestly first time I ever saw that was on "the colony". I have used that colored lamp fuel in a portable kerosene heater when I was stationed in germany and everything else sold out. I remember the clerk looking at me crazy when I walked in and bought 20 bottles of it and I refused to tell her nosey self what I was doing. Talking with my wife here she says wallie world sells them in household goods. I dont remember seeing them there but what do I know LOL.

Matt In Oklahoma
10-19-2010, 08:47 PM
http://www.biofuelsforum.com/ this might be able to help you on you question. Like I said I'm lost on that topic, it's new to me. Thats why a group of folks is more helpful because I'm just a monkey with high hopes.

Klayton
10-19-2010, 09:12 PM
Hey found this cool oil lamp site (although a little pricey): http://www.oillampman.com/sorensen/oil_lamps.htm

Grand58742
10-19-2010, 09:42 PM
Just a few more to add to the list:

You have at least three multi-tools...in your truck alone

Your dog has his own Multicam sweater to "blend in better"

You've actually tried the Frito corn chip firestarter

You've collected old phone books just in case the TP runs out

Consider a serious debate "Leatherman vs Gerber vs SOG vs SAK"

Think Presidential debates should consist of "5.56 vs 7.62x39 vs 7.62x51"

Have ever lost friends over the above debates

Have gained lifelong friends over the above debates

Own a bayonet for your MBR "just in case"

Have ever stood on top of a ravine and screamed "WOLVERINES!"

Send frantic texts to friends about the current deal on Steep and Cheap

Consider the ultimate BOV something off a Russian surplus armored vehicle web sale

Are afraid to tell those you meet you are a prepper, but will post pictures of your entire setup on the internet

Believe there should only be two types of handguns on the planet: 1911 and Glock

Have enough .22 ammo stored up for every Boy Scout on the planet to qualify for the rifle shooting merit badge...twice

Still don't think you have enough .22 stored up

Matt In Oklahoma
10-19-2010, 09:54 PM
hahahahahhahahahaha

tomato
10-20-2010, 11:01 AM
Wow, I have done most of those, so sad and true. I was really surprised that fritos caught on fire, but it works.

Benn Gleck
10-29-2010, 09:09 PM
You know what Pri-G is.

Benn Gleck
10-29-2010, 09:36 PM
I LOVE IT!!!

Hey do any of you guys use those old oil lamps?
If so, what are the pros and cons?

Thanks!


Klayton, We have several lamps and lanterns, most of them bought at yard sales.

The only drawback we've noticed is heat. If the power goes out when its hot they really bring up the temp in a room.

If you're gonna get a couple make sure one is a lantern. You can carry them around and they're weather proof.

Do an internet search for W.T. Kirkman lanterns, tons of info and good prices.

becky3086
10-29-2010, 10:08 PM
Interesting. I was actually looking through the list to see other things that I might want to do or try.
I have several oil lamps. As for wal-mart having them, they did but not this year and no lamp oil either. I hope the dollar stores still carry it here. Heat from the lamps can be a drawback or a plus depending on the weather. The smell is another thing, even with lamp oil, if you aren't used to it(especially if you don't have the lamp oil and just have kerosene), it can give you a headache (it is possible that it is from sitting there staring at the flame so long, but I really think it is the smell). Be careful to have your wicks trimmed and not turned up too high.

Bearman202
12-03-2010, 09:47 PM
A couple more:

You consider a case of MRE's a perfectly acceptable Christmas gift.

You can't remember the last time you bought just ONE of anything.

You actually know the difference between Hard Red Winter Wheat and White wheat.

You have ever bought popcorn with no intention whatever of popping it.

You know what a P38 is and have one on every key chain.

You can recite from memory the calorie content of most canned veggies.

Matt In Oklahoma
07-26-2011, 05:57 PM
You've ever done laundry just for the lint!

barfife
07-26-2011, 08:07 PM
You've ever done laundry just for the lint!

and took the lint and added vasoline and stuffed it in a straw!!

Matt In Oklahoma
07-26-2011, 08:09 PM
and took the lint and added vasoline and stuffed it in a straw!!
YOU DONT KNOW ME! Oh wait you do:) LOL

Briar Wabbit
07-27-2011, 04:57 AM
If my daughter and ex ever saw this, I think they would split their gutz !
I mean ... they might NEVER stop laughing.

... Me? ... uh ... some of those were WAY too true to be funny.

Aladin makes the best lamps and, I forget the brand, but they make a clear lamp oil that does not stink nearly as much.

Grand58742
07-27-2011, 06:33 AM
You've ever done laundry just for the lint!


and took the lint and added vasoline and stuffed it in a straw!!

And made three videos about it

WiseOwl
07-27-2011, 09:37 AM
If your shoe laces are paracord.

qrprat77
07-27-2011, 11:58 AM
If your shoe laces are paracord.

And you wear a paracord bracelet...
and anklet....
and you've made your wife 'something nice' out of paracord

Briar Wabbit
07-27-2011, 04:18 PM
I just bought a pair of Red Wing Hikers (boots) ... Cost me plenty.
As soon as I got home, I replaced the factory laces with paracord ...
... Laced them "right-over-left", of course.

WiseOwl
07-27-2011, 04:50 PM
and anklet....


That made me laugh out loud....

Matt In Oklahoma
07-27-2011, 05:15 PM
That made me laugh out loud....
Me to till I realized that the other day i saw a bunch of boys wearing them at the school !


And made three videos about it
and made you watch! LOL

hua man
07-28-2011, 01:27 AM
Additions-

Your shoelaces (mentioned above), pant's belt, watchband, and rifle sling are made from 550 paracord.

Your cravat head wrap is also used as a map, water filter, and first-aid item.

You've ever cleaned a firearm in the glow of a 100 hour candle.

You know feminine hygeine items can be used as first-aid on man or woman.

You've secretly have a well on your property so that 1) THEY cannot poison you with flouride and 2) THEY cannot force you out by cutting off your water.

You've made paper logs out of newspapers to stretch out your woodpile.

Matt In Oklahoma
03-08-2012, 08:40 PM
You try and claim to your wife the lint in your bellybutton is an emergency firestarting kit

you inventory your neighbors edible weeds

you know when people on tv are lying about their preps

you know what a walker and a skitter are and where their weak spots are

you can recite the rules to zombieland but dont know what the name of your hometown "mainstream media" paper is

you go to reinventory you kids go bags and find extra stuff THEY put in it

you dont understand why you are the only one who gets texts from spaceweather.com at work

you try and put roundup on your grass and keep the dandelions

your gym bag has it's own firestarting kit, flashlight, water, food, knife .........

JUSTIFIED
03-08-2012, 09:10 PM
Just saw this thread and still laughing! LOL

ssonb
03-09-2012, 09:22 AM
You have Nine additonal sources for light in your home if the power grid fails..1- genny 2- solar 3-flashlights 4-oil lamps 5-carbide miners headlamps 6-candles 7-fireplace 8-chemical light sticks 9-pint mason jars for fireflys.

Matt In Oklahoma
03-09-2012, 08:19 PM
you use the vehicle ash tray to store ammo for guns you dont even have "just in case"

JUSTIFIED
03-09-2012, 09:35 PM
LOL!!! We're all about, "Just in case"! If there's a place to store something we'll fill it. If there's not a place we try to find one!

Matt In Oklahoma
03-09-2012, 10:31 PM
you thought Chuck Norris needed to work on his ground game

thought the Military was awesome because they paid you to learn someday skills

though Ted Nugent was too soft spoken

done an inventory before your birthday so you know what to ask for

think that professional competitive shooters need to work on real skills

will pay for training that hurts

have laid the parts out to a project on the Lowes floor to visualize

buy candles based on hours rather than smell

have re-used wax from candles to make practice rounds to shoot in the house

know that cases with primered rubber training bullets dont bounce off of sheetrock :(

Have thought that Glenn Beck was to liberal at times

have tasered your car to see if it will still run after an EMP

know that you cant call your cell phone if it's in a microwave

have opinions about camo and those that wear it even though you havent seen them

will paint a 2000K rifle with $2 paint and be impressed

wont buy stuff because it reflects light

wont cook dinner but will spend all day trying to boil water in a solar cooker

wont go to the Dr but will buy $100 of medical supplies then use them on yourself to see if you live

have ever made a hardware store salesman raise an eyebrow

have killed dinner with a potatoe cannon

swim in a public pool with your knife still clipped on

think that gun cleaning, tire repair and fire starting should be timed olympic events

ask people for their broke stuff and then wont tell them why

you know how far you can run before you cant hit the 6 inch square while shooting

you use your pocket pistol on the rifle range

you dont own makeup thats not earth tone

you ask for a debit card in camo to go in your duct tape wallet

have ever gotten in trouble at work for using all the rubber bands to build weapons

WiseOwl
03-09-2012, 10:34 PM
You have a ton of pool shock and dont even own a pool

Klayton
03-10-2012, 01:11 AM
taser your car... LMAO

and yes, I have been busted for using all the office rubberbands in the past, LMAO...

1Admin
03-10-2012, 09:53 AM
you thought Chuck Norris needed to work on his ground game

thought the Military was awesome because they paid you to learn someday skills

though Ted Nugent was too soft spoken

done an inventory before your birthday so you know what to ask for

think that professional competitive shooters need to work on real skills

will pay for training that hurts

THESE!!! Awesome!

Matt In Oklahoma
03-10-2012, 10:17 AM
will tell your preacher about sins but wont tell him you prepare because you think he wont understand

dont have luggage but own multiple BOBs

have built a roof based on rainwater collection

have tried to mount a bayonet on a bow then wondered if you could market it

tried to decide which round to use to shoot your house with

have rendered medical treatment to your fruit for practice

can leave a psychologist with something to think about

think that buckets with good lids are a universal money

sort your laundry by materials that leave flamable and non-flamable lint

use all your daughters nail polish for the front sights

have used pets as training aids

wont comb your hair but check the mirror to see if your CCW prints thru your clothes

have forgotten where you buried stuff

cant attend bass pro workshops anymore because you showed them a better way to do it

buy clothes based on how much they can carry


are mad right now because some this is you and not me LOL :)

Tina
03-10-2012, 03:53 PM
LOL! I recognize most of these in us.

One to add:

You know what size crochet hook fits paracord (american L or larger)
I made a belt : )

JUSTIFIED
03-10-2012, 06:36 PM
"you ask for a debit card in camo to go in your duct tape wallet"

Uh oh....guess I'm a redneck survivalist! I made a couple of these several years ago. I gave one as a gift at my workplace white elephant Christmas party and the guy still has it. LOL

qrprat77
03-10-2012, 08:43 PM
--You've sown up a chicken leg
--You've grilled said chicken leg over wood collected from the neighborhood
--You grew the chicken too.
--Multicam Vs ATACS debates have lead to fistfights with your friends.
--AR Vs AK did the same thing... with the same people.
--You have at least one commo nerd friend who can rig a radio out of a diet coke can, packing tape, a chore boy, a pencil, a razor blade, and an earbud.
--You think of hurricanes as "Practice"

Matt In Oklahoma
06-02-2012, 02:54 PM
You tried to convince someone that ding dongs are survival food because they are tactical black and can be eaten quietly

You park near a clean car so you use their windows to check yourself to make sure you arent printing your CCW

You have an extra shirt in case you are

Your rifle has more accesories than you new vehicle

have hidden your chickens from your neighbors

you have ever "lost" a knife or gun to a spouse because they liked it

have asked for numerous broken tv's for fresnal lens and magnifiers

ever trapped your neighbors cat just to see if it worked

wondered if a pistol bayonet was a truely viable option

WiseOwl
06-02-2012, 04:08 PM
You tried to convince someone that ding dongs are survival food because they are tactical black and can be eaten quietly



wondered if a pistol bayonet was a truely viable option


LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

scoob
06-02-2012, 04:22 PM
you see the pallets and 55 gal drums by the dumpster and think compost bin and rain catchment/water storage .,- if you have more than 5 coleman products in your vehicle

JUSTIFIED
06-02-2012, 04:43 PM
you see the pallets and 55 gal drums by the dumpster and think compost bin and rain catchment/water storage .,- if you have more than 5 coleman products in your vehicle
Don't forget burn barrels scoob! LOL

scoob
06-02-2012, 05:18 PM
lol, indeed!! hahaha

WiseOwl
08-19-2012, 10:03 PM
If everytime the power goes out you start fillin bath tubs..... :)

tech
08-19-2012, 10:48 PM
You have to look to your neighbors' houses to see if the power is off.

your neighbors refer to you as the "resident security expert" ....and the police do too.

you put the washer and drier in an out-building so there is room for more preps in the house.

you know that colored lamp oil clogs the wicks over time.

cpwhip
09-23-2012, 09:43 AM
IF: you have a chest freezer burried in you yard full of vegi's

Urban Survivalist
09-27-2012, 01:04 PM
This is awesome. You never realize how deep you are into something until you turn into comedy.

All Talk
09-27-2012, 05:07 PM
You don't see how any of these submissions are funny.

JUSTIFIED
09-27-2012, 06:11 PM
You don't see how any of these submissions are funny.
Now I don't care who ya are...that's funny! Seriously! LOL

MustangGal
11-19-2012, 02:39 PM
...if your night light is the gentle glow of night sights.

...if you never stand or sit directly in front of your mailbox to open it.

EX121
11-19-2012, 03:17 PM
...if you & your wife can't go on an overnight trip with out a 30lbs backpack each.
...your idea of a date night is grabbing a pizza on the way home form the shooting range.
...if while watching the grandkids soccer game and it starts to rain everyone looks to you to have a shelter in your car.

but the best still .. you don't see what's funny, very good ALL Talk.

Grand58742
11-19-2012, 05:36 PM
...if your night light is the gentle glow of night sights.

Funny thing, this happened not long ago. I was asleep and woke up to a soft green glow of something on the nightstand. Being half asleep I started to thinking "how did a lightening bug get inside the house...and this is the wrong part of the year for lightening bugs anyway." After turning on the light I figured out it was the night sights on pistol I had left out.

Felt kinda foolish later lol

Gus14
11-19-2012, 05:42 PM
If your best Christmas gift was a $200 gift card for Amazon and you thought of how many O2 absorbers and dessicant bags you can buy with it.

JUSTIFIED
11-20-2012, 08:15 PM
Oughta make a book out of these. Too funny!

Maid Marion
11-21-2012, 11:41 PM
This is one of the first threads I read when I found this site. OMG my better half and I laughed so hard it was difficult to breath. Jeff Foxworthy needs to incorporate this into his comedy show.....way to funny. Thanks.

Pearl
11-26-2012, 12:29 AM
Laughed myself sick when so many of the descriptions got nailed me: the EMP shielded shelter, the chickens, the carry to church survival gear, the UPS guy, even the Range card and firing lines on my property.......

Mercy, I love a good laugh.

Spero
11-26-2012, 02:01 AM
Bert from