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  1. #1

    First story attempt

    Here are the first four chapters of my attempt at Patriot Fiction. Hope you enjoy this as I develop it.

    Critique away.

    Post Apocalyptic Vision

    Chapter 1

  2. #2
    Silver site supporter 2013, thank you!
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Location
    Midwest
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    Thumbs up Outstanding!

    First attempt or not this was definitely a grabber of a story.

    For goodness sakes don't stop now!
    I am a free man!

    I always was.

    I always will be.




    I have always advised my children not to mistake having manners and being polite as being a sign of weakness. An individual with strength and confidence in him/herself will naturally be mannered and gracious to others.

  3. #3
    Moderator
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    Interesting start. Keep it up!

  4. #4
    Looking forward to more as you get it ready.

  5. #5
    Looks good to me...Keep it going!

  6. #6
    Seasoned
    Join Date
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    Enjoyable. Keep writing.
    "It wasn't raining when Noah built the Ark"

  7. #7
    Looks like a good start, so please keep going. I like the everyday details you are including in the story, eg, food will store in the freezer for about 4 days when the power goes out.

  8. #8
    Great start and very timely! Thank you!
    Boris- "He's famous, has picture on three dollar bill!"

    Rocky- "Wow! I've never even seen a three dollar bill!"

    Boris- "Is it my fault your poor?"

  9. #9
    Additional chapter.

    Chapter 5 – Bits and Pieces
    Monday – October 17th

    BANG-BANG-BANG!!! BANG-BANG-BANG!!!.
    “What in the world” I hollered. Being woke up at 2:00 in the morning is not enjoyable. Especially when you are SUPPOSE to be standing watch.
    “My heavens, I fell asleep”. How much longer can I do this I asked myself becoming wide awake. Quickly going to the bedroom I gently woke Carlene, my wife up, whispering to her, get the shotgun and get in position.
    BANG-BANG-BANG!!! BANG-BANG-BANG!!!.
    “Dwight, please open the door, it’s me, Doug!!!
    Quietly going to a small side window I looked outside and sure enough, Doug and Connie were standing outside the back door, looking like the Hound of the Baskervilles was pursuing them.
    “Come on Dwight, let us in please” Doug pleaded. By now Connie was almost hysterical with fright and sobbing, “we’re going to die, we’re going to die”!!
    Inside the back door (solid two inch oak) there is a one inch hole drilled in the floor and the ceiling beam above it and solid stainless steel rods are inserted into theses holes. This prevents the door from being opened more than one inch until they are removed.
    Unbolting the door and opening it slightly, I asked Doug, “Anyone else with you”? “No, no, only Connie and me. Can we come in”?
    If a man or woman can count the number of true friends they have in this world on one hand and still have fingers left over, they are fortunate. Doug and Connie are two of those fingers.
    After forty five minutes of calming down, the bits and pieces were being put together.
    “The electricity went first, heck it is the first time in nine years we have lost power for even a few minutes”, Doug explained. “By the morning we still did not have any power, then we lost water”!!
    “Tried calling the power company, cell phone said all lines were tied up, tried for over four hours calling both the power company and the water company, phones never cleared up”.
    Connie added, “By 1:00 in the afternoon we lost our cell phone. First we lost the signal, then the phone died. I guess the phone lost its’ charge not having any power. Luckily we did have propane in the grill and was able to cook some canned stew and vegetables. Ate off of paper plates since we didn’t have water either”.
    “Found out later that the cell towers batteries finally died, it wouldn’t have mattered though, the central processing center also lost power and could not process the calls” Doug stated.
    “What are you doing here, it is at least fifty miles between here and your house. How did you get here? Where’s your vehicle” asked Carlene
    “Well nothing happened Saturday night, we were still expecting the water and power to come back on. We still had food in the freezer, (hated to lose all that food) and plenty of propane for the grill. Sunday morning came and still no power, water or phone service. Got ready for church, drove there but services were cancelled. On the way back home from the church we noticed that small groups, I guess you could call them gangs, were hanging out at the intersections with lights. When we stopped at the second light, four of five of them started busting out the windows in the car and screaming, kill em, kill em. Luckily, I hit the gas and got out of there. Connie got some scratches. I think I may have run over one of those people, gosh they couldn’t have been much more than teenagers “, Doug explained.
    “Made it home in record time, I guess I will be getting a ticket from the speed cameras. Wait a second, maybe they aren’t working either. Couldn’t call the police, didn’t even see any police. Heard a LOT of sirens. About 2:00 in the afternoon heard sirens coming down our street, looked out and police and fire trucks are pulling in two houses down. Seems someone set the neighbors house on fire because they had a generator they were using for lights and cooking. Shots ensued and three people ended up getting shot. Wasn’t two hours later more shots started and pretty soon it seemed like the whole neighborhood was at war. Four fireman and one policeman were shot and wounded. They lost the house, more police came, even the SWAT team. The police claimed it was gang activity and it was now getting out of hand.”
    “I guess the last straw to fall was when we lost power and water, we did not realize that it would affect the sewers. About 7:00 that night the sewers started backing up in the bath tub and showers. The stench was horrible. The house was getting to the point of being unlivable, no power or water; our food was quickly going to go bad”.
    “I guess we should have had a canner, jars and lids and canned the stuff. We could have used the grill for heat, and used the water from the water heater to can it with”, Connie flatly intoned.
    “Finally around 9:00 that night, we heard more sirens and gun shots and decided to leave”, Doug continued. “We knew we had to get out of here but the question was where to go? We didn’t want to get stuck in the city and we only had a quarter tank of gas in the car. The only place we both could agree on was here, we couldn’t call, heck we didn’t even know if we could or would make it here. We almost didn’t”.
    “Packed up what we could, it is still in the car, and left in the dead on night at about 3:00 in the morning. Stayed on only the back roads, luckily did not come across any road blocks. We did come across two police stops. They were looking for looters and I was concerned they might think our belongings were from looting. Held up for hours at both. That is one reason it took us so long to get here. I was really worried about the bridge over the lake that it would be blocked off. Luckily it wasn’t. We have had to drive all the way to Abingdon and around the lake to make it here. We would not have had enough gas to make it. There are no gas stations open, no supermarkets, nothing between here and our house.”
    “The gas finally gave out about one and a half miles from here. Just had to pull the car off the road, tried hiding it. I don’t think anyone will find it. Hoofed it up here and we finally made it”, as Doug finished.
    “Aren’t you armed”? I inquired, noticing the apparent lack of any firearms.
    “No, the police confiscated it at the first stop, I protested but they said the county mayor signed some sort of order prohibiting firearms outside the home. Illegal as all get out as far as I am concerned but what could I do. The cop said I was lucky that he didn’t arrest me on the spot”. Doug replied.
    “What’s left in the car” I asked.
    “Some food, we had to throw out the meat from the cooler, as long as it took to get here it finally went bad. We grabbed our camping gear, tents, sleeping bags, things like that. With fall and winter coming on we packed some winter clothes. A couple of picture albums, our Bibles and I did put our small fire proof safe with our important papers in the trunk,” was Doug’s reply.
    “Well we need to get down there ASAP and get it. There has not really been too much problems over here YET, but I am sure it will not take long for it to spread here. You feel up to going now,” I asked.
    “Yeah, let’s get it done, better not wait,” Doug and Connie agreed.
    “Carlene, give Doug the shotgun, I’ll take the pistol. We will take my truck. Do you know which road you hid it on and where?” I asked.
    “It is on Cold Springs Road right before it crosses Blevins Creek, I hid it about 20 yards off the road,” Doug explained.
    “Okay, about

  10. #10
    I wonder what 17th of October 2011 will be remembered for? You still have my attention, Tnhunter.

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