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  1. #1

    have your paperwork in order and findable!

    what if...
    you suddenly had a situation develop..
    this could be
    a death, a disabled person, need to sell a house, insurance claim,
    medical emergency, whatever,

    do you know where the paperwork is located?
    whose name is authorized to take the next step?
    is there a chain of names?
    who has access to the documents?
    what if they are sick or dead or out of the country?

    here's an example.
    sister dies.
    where's the will and related documents?
    who has access to her accounts?
    are they available? alive? competent?
    if they aren't, who is the next person? or even is there a subsequent person?
    if the will is in a safe, safety deposit box, who has the key and/or combination?

    some of these things are hard to discuss with family/friends.
    i think the biggest reason is that we are all young and tough and macho, and
    "there ain't nothing that will happen to me."
    or a situation i've seen more and more of recently..
    the person has become a true believer in
    "God will take care of me, regardless of any bad thing."
    which translates, i won't die. i won't get cancer. i can drive like an idiot, because i won't have a wreck, i don't have to have insurance or a will or save for a arainy day."
    or another way to word the philosophy is
    "we studied that at our religious house. the rapture will happen before any thing bad like dying, or cancer or storm."
    which translates in real life to.... before my house gets blown away by a storm, i and mine will get raptured... and, i'm in great health, i'm a super soldier and go to the gym regularly, i believe in grace, so i don't need life insurance to provide for my children in the event i die.

    well... rant over..
    follow your own path. be happy.. be self righteous.. vote for the wrong side and
    don't plan for the future. live for today..
    well... now the rant is really over...

  2. #2
    Good post.

    And never underestimate the stupidity of other people involved, their emotions, etc.

    People in general have a really short attention span and a memory that doesn't last much longer.

    Stuff HAS to be written down in Wills and important documents that can't be challenged by some idiot relative that "means well."

    Also be that person that knows and has the WHY certain things are done/were done/have to be done a certain way.

    Older people will tend to forget the why's after a while, some "well meaning" idiot comes with a "good idea" and then you waste time going over the "why's" again and again. Only to know damn well you are going to go down this route again before too long when some other schmoe comes with a "good idea" and the older person thinks they would be helping them by doing some crazy thing.

    And don't underestimate the stupidity of other family members. "I remember Grandma telling me she wanted to be cremated and her ashes shot out of a cannon at the circus one time"- some again "well meaning" (read: idiot) niece/nephew or grandson/granddaughter comes with some dumb crap like that. Debate it or simply state- "right here in her own words she states she wants to be buried with Dad."

    An executor has a very stressful job handling these things, especially if the family is filled with "well meaning" idiots. Make their job easy- get it ALL in writing, down to the "my old china set goes to Mr. Smith."

    Yes it will waste a ton of your time now hashing and re-hashing and re-hashing a time or twelve, but later you can simply say STFU here it is in writing to anyone with crazy ideas of shooting Grandma's ashes out of a circus cannon cause their heard her joke about it when they were six years old.

    Unfortunately the world is full of idiots that screw up everything and think they are right about the most ridiculous crap. ALL of our plans for life really need to factor this in and do as much as we can to prevent this where our interactions involve other people and most especially family.

    Plan accordingly and plan ahead!

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  3. #3
    i came back to edit my post... calm it down...
    then i read yours...
    i think someone you might know.... read the same book someone i might know..

    anyhow,
    back to the B, B, and B

  4. #4
    And if your the one tasked with the enormous job of taking care of someone else's stuff (read: MESS) you need to know that your state likely allows the executor a small percentage for their time/trouble involved in the estate. Unless it's strictly forbidden in the Will itself.

    "Well it ain't that big of a deal and...." And nothing. This will hit and you'll find yourself having a "third job" during the busiest time of your life. If another was in your spot as executor, they would take the 2.5% also, your a darn fool if you don't. They won't appreciate, understand or give a rip about all the enormous amount of time you've put in. But that little "tip" may equate out to a nice weekend away to decompress after working through all this crap.

    And there WILL be all kinds of surprises that come up. You will have your regular work (job or biz), then your family work, then all this mess as well.

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  5. #5
    Super Moderator Patriotic Sheepdog's Avatar
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    Well, my mom passed in October (not due to COVID, but because of COVID lockdown) Not good for someone with dementia to take away (isolate) their only world they were still holding onto. Anyway, I am still going thru the MESS as LD3 said. It is hard enough, but add COVID restrictions in there plus I am still employed so every office I need to contact or visit is closed when I am off. Oh, and for those that say "I will storm in and see them anyway", well that ran across my mind, but you may make it once but it won't happen again. LEO will get involved, you will be trespassed and then never see them. Plus, they will be placed on more restricted lockdown and just be made "one of those people" in their assisted living facility which doe not help them.

    If your loved one says to you "I already have a will/trust, ask them when they made it. My parents had one and my Dad said it was made "years ago" and in the safe deposit box. Well, I said, let me pay for a new one, and he finally agreed in January of this year (after trying to get him to do it for 3 years). Thankfully I did this as his "years ago" Will was over 50 years old (closer to 60 years)!!! A lot changes in 50+ years....
    Protecting the sheep from the wolves that want them, their family, their money and full control of our Country!

    Guns and gear are cool, but bandages stop the bleeding!

    ATTENTION: No trees or animals were harmed in any way in the sending of this message, but a large number of electrons were really ticked off!

    NO 10-289!

  6. #6
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    My husband and I made new wills, powers of attorney, living wills, etc. just a year or so ago. It occurred to us that we had accumulated a lot of physical and financial assets over the past few years and we needed a plan for transfer in case one or both of us died. We sent copies to all of the kids, using my daughter as executrix since she's the most financially responsible of all 3 kids. I know none of the kids would want to deal with this, but someone has to - eventually.

  7. #7
    Most accounts can be made "payable upon death" to heirs. We encountered this with several accounts.

    It saves a little time and some probate. You have to designate the names and %s.

    It can be a bit of a PITA if over a certain amount the bank required everyone to be there at the same time to sign forms. That part was unnecessary IMO. However I just arranged that to happen same day as funeral so I wouldn't have to chase people. Some will line up to get money, others may want to avoid it for various reasons, it's crazy. I just wanted to get the damn thing done.
    Boris- "He's famous, has picture on three dollar bill!"

    Rocky- "Wow! I've never even seen a three dollar bill!"

    Boris- "Is it my fault your poor?"

  8. #8
    Ms. Foster and I took care of that in early 2020. Put everything in a trust. Made the most responsible one the caretaker of the trust. Put the combo to the safe where she could find it. We are keeping a running list of specific items that go to specific children. Told them which charity to take all the leftovers to. It was a relief after it was taken care of.

  9. #9
    Another thing to consider regarding property and passing it on. Consider the actual condition of the property, the circumstances with the heirs, etc.

    It's been my observation that old people tend to get cheap, really cheap. If they were 'tight' with money to begin with, then it gets worse as they age. Even if they are comfortable, I think the thought is always there isn't enough, etc.

    Now factor in a home/homes that have not been properly maintained in well.... a very long while. Nor have they been updated since built, and even then the style of building was 20 years old.

    Who pays for the renovations? Where does that money come from? We aren't talking about upgrading to gold plated toilets here. Just things like getting a termite bond could run $4K, new flooring $5K, needed repairs another $5K and just scratching surfaces. Say you got several kids, 1 is actively running things, 1 helps when he can and 1 is off "living his best life" and hasn't given a damn about the family in, well ever. Who pays for these things?

    Do you set money aside for these things in your will? Probably a good idea.

    Do you hope for the best and think just a "deep cleaning" will be all that's needed to sell the place? Fantasy land not deal with anything non sense- kick the can down the road.

    Your kids- or kiD- will be taking care of cleaning up a lot of your messes, don't leave them another one.

    If it's one heir then great, it's totally up to them and if they don't want to spend money on the pit then they get less for the sale. If it's several heirs, don't expect them to split up the costs (won't happen) nor will some even understand "why" things like a $4K termite bond is necessary, but they will happily ask when the money is coming. I repeatedly heard how no one quote "wanted to leave you boyS a mess." No one did, they left a boy (singular) one.

    How about bills that don't even come in till later? That $1,500. bill from the lawyer for probating the will. Send a pic of that to a couple siblings and see who is quick to grab a checkbook, ain't going to happen.

    Having a reasonable amount of cash designated in the Will to be set aside for all these thing. Prepaid funeral is great and definitely saves some bucks. An envelope with $100. cash in it for misc. expenses including putting names on graves, etc. is a start but your still going to leave your kids with a lot of expenses relating to your death.

    Then you factor in others with no care nor concept of what things costs, all with their hands out like they voted democrat.

    Have a better plan. Your house needs work, everyone's does. There will be a ton of expenses you aren't considering.

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  10. #10
    A former neighbor’s mom died a few years ago. Her place needed plumbing repairs, some exterior wood repair and paint. He had two other siblings that said that since he was retired and handy, he could do all of the work. He told the others that if they were not going to pitch-in and help, they could hire someone to do the work and all would have to split the costs coming from the settlement. After a few estimates, they decided to hire him to do the repairs and pay him as he completed tasks. All were a little angry with him for not doing it for free so that they could profit. Families are fun to watch.

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